on female ejaculation
an excerpt from Betony Vernon’s new book, the “The Boudoir Bible”, published by Rizzoli, New York
portrait by OLIVIER ZAHM
The phenomenon of ejaculation was considered to be the greatest difference between male and female sexual functions until the beginning of the 1980s, when the female prostate and its palpable manifestation, the G-spot, were rediscovered and their connection to female emission scientifically proven.
Yet in spite of the clinical research, laboratory testing and case studies from the past 30 years, female ejaculation continues to be a topic of controversy among doctors, gynecologists, and sex researchers. The facts, however, are clear: fluid produced in the female prostate during heightened states of arousal contains glucose, minerals, proteins, vitamins, amino acids, serotonin (a neurotransmitter that acts as a natural antidepressant) and various hormones, including prostatic acid phosphatase (PAP) and prostate-specific antigen (PSA), which happen to be produced in only one other gland in the human body: the male prostate! The fluid exits the body, just as male ejaculate fluid does, in jets or streams via the urethral canal. Misinformed lovers commonly mistake female emission for urine; this misperception leads to debilitating feelings of shame in women and confusion in men, even to the point of ruining relationships.
The Flood of Venus
Female ejaculation, represented in ancient art, artifacts, architecture and literature throughout all cultures, is often depicted or described as a river or stream flowing from the female genitals. Poetic names from ancient literature reflect the positive manner in which the phenomenon was viewed: the flood of Venus, the elixir of life, the sacred river, the nectar of the gods, and the lotus nectar. The Kama Sutra speaks of female ejaculation in terms of “seed that … continues to fall from the beginning of the sexual union to its end.” The elixir was renowned by the Taoists for its legendary ability to reverse the aging process. Skilled lovers in 16th-century Japan collected the aphrodisiacal cocktail in bowls designed specifically to capture their flux. Those who consumed the fluid felt all the happier and more rejuvenated. This may in part be explained by the doses of the neurotransmitter serotonin that female emission contains.
Other cultures known to have considered female ejaculation as an essential aspect of female pleasure were the Tantrists, the ancient Greeks and Romans, the Celts, the Cherokee Indians in North America and the Trukese of the Coral Islands in the South Pacific; in all of these societies, female ejaculation was viewed as a symbol of woman’s “masculine” side, a perspective that rendered women sexually equal to men.
A Source of Unequaled Pleasure
The generation of prostate fluid is the body’s involuntary physiological response to arousal, and nothing can prevent the intricate network of ducts and glands that compose the female prostate, the largest of which is known as the Skene’s gland, from producing this fluid. But over the centuries, like female orgasm itself, this biological response was repressed to the point that the majority of women essentially have “forgotten” how to ejaculate! However, most highly aroused women emit imperceptible quantities of prostate fluid through the urethral opening before, during, and after orgasm. Those who “remember” how to ejaculate and abandon themselves to the sensations that lead up to its manifestation are known to emit more of this fluid — clinical reports giving the amount as between 1 and 3 ounces (25 and 100 milliliters)! Labeled femmes fontaines, literally “fountain ladies,” by the French psychologist Frédérique Gruyer in 1984, these women are proof that the female prostate has not atrophied; they constitute, however, a mere 6 to 8 percent of the female population today.
Every sexually mature woman has a prostate and paraurethral ducts and glands that produce and store prostate fluid (even if most anatomical charts for the female genital system still fail to represent these). Theoretically, any woman can learn to create the conditions for ejaculation and revel in the heightened degrees of sexual satisfaction that it excites — and the empowering sense of equality that accompanies it. We may therefore conclude that what women seem to be missing, more than anything else, are equally informed, sufficiently liberated, and well-skilled partners!
Fast sex does not promote female ejaculation, while the Paradise Found Sexual Ceremony, with its slow building of sexual tension, provides lovers with the perfect opportunity to explore the ecstatic powers of the G-spot and encourage the flow of female prostate fluid. The prime conditions for female ejaculation are extensive periods of stimulation, heightened degrees of arousal, direct G-spot stimulation, multiple orgasms, lack of inhibition, and being truly attracted to and confident with one’s partner, which instills a sense of ease and openness to what may come. Lovers who revel in the pleasures that lead to female ejaculation consider the G-spot to be the source of unequaled pleasures and emission to be a highlight of their sexual endeavors, as well as the most generously ecstatic way for a woman to thank her partner for worshipping her to such an extent.
Female ejaculate fluid often has a very distinct perfume that is most commonly described as the refreshing smell of spring rain, but some women also report their emissions as having salty sea tones, floral scents, or earthy undertones of amber, musk, or moss. These variations are determined in part by variations in diet. Unlike vaginal secretions, which are normally white, viscous, and lubricant, ejaculate fluid is noted for its clarity and has the consistency of water. Its transparency may vary slightly or even become slightly cloudy with approaching menstruation. Women, if you eventually revitalize your ejaculatory capacity, ask your lover to collect some of the liquid that you emit in a glass or bowl as it leaves your body. Smell and even taste it just as our ancient ancestors did, and invite your partner to do the same. This can be an extremely exciting aspect of the sexual ceremony (but obviously one that should only be shared by lovers who have a safe fluid-exchange agreement).
Facilitate your heavenly delight by playing on surfaces that will not be damaged by liquids and protecting those that could be damaged with towels. Consider investing in latex sheets, which are designed to fit various sizes of mattresses and can be purchased online and in most sex shops. Whether you are a novice to G-spot stimulation or an experienced femme fontaine, being worried about making a mess will hold you back from abandoning yourself to the pleasures of G-spot stimulation.
Awakening the G-Spot
Awakening the G-spot demands patience and a relaxed state of mind and body, so it’s best to initiate this kind of exploration when you have the time and energy to build the sexual tension to the degree needed. And, of course, leave expectations that lead to performance-pressure out of the boudoir. Even the most insensitive, sleepy, or oversensitized G-spot can be coaxed to sweet reception, if sufficient care and attention are dedicated to “retraining” it to respond positively to direct contact.
Note that the G-spot is connected to the powerful pelvic splanchnic nerve, and so stimulating the gland may evoke more emotional responses than those derived through clitoral stimulation. It is for this reason that Tantric lovers associate G-spot stimulation with the opening of the heart chakra and the foundation of intimate bonds between partners.
Women, that means that if you are a novice to the effects of G-spot stimulation, you may wish to explore the organ on your own first. A solo masturbation ritual will help you get to know your G-spot and permit those who suffer from G-spot numbness, oversensitivity, or related anxiety to awaken the sensitive organ gradually and experience the deep degrees of satisfaction it can and should provide. Once you feel comfortable with G-spot stimulation on your own, invite your lover to help navigate your sacred river.
Most informed lovers are more than willing to share in the mutual delights that G-spot stimulation and female ejaculation provide, but some men may initially fear that their own pleasure will dissipate in the time that it takes to awaken the G-spot and provoke emission. Others may be intimidated by women’s potential to orgasm and ejaculate repeatedly without compromising their sexual performance or their desire. But G-spot stimulation can only augment the male partner’s pleasure, as the Paradise Found Sexual Ceremony transpires over extended periods of arousal in which both partners alternately provide and receive sensations, both genitally and extra-genitally oriented. In addition, if the male partner is skilled in the techniques of ejaculation control, he will have plenty of occasions to reach the pinnacles of his own pleasure — keep in mind that the most effective aphrodisiac is the pleasure that we provide.
If you are an experienced femme fontaine, never take an unknowing lover by surprise, but rather participate directly in the dismantling of the female ejaculation taboo by preparing him or her in advance. Guiding your partner lovingly, especially in a ritualized context that is conducive to mutual arousal, will reinforce your intimate bond while allowing your partner to develop the sexual skills that call the G-spot into action.
Once arousal has deepened and the genitals have become engorged with excitement, great attention can be dedicated to the G-spot. For a novice, the fingers are the best method for understanding the organ, whether you are a woman exploring her own G-spot in a solo masturbation ritual or the partner of a woman.
Feel for a slightly raised mass of tissue approximately the size and shape of an almond on the anterior wall of the vagina, close to the vaginal opening. Explore its contours and then stroke it, gradually increasing the pressure. The pressure you apply should never generate discomfort. Meditate on the G-spot: Focus your full attention on the area and experiment with the range of sensations that it provides. Women, breathe deeply and with intention into these sensations as they gradually build, and the pleasure will be accompanied by an elevated state of relaxation and mental clarity. During this erotic meditation, your sensory awareness will become ever more acute — augmenting your perception of pleasure and allowing the sensations to radiate from the genitals to the extremities of the body. Body, mind, and spirit will benefit.
Note that simply sliding one or two fingers into the vagina will not call the G-spot into action; the organ responds to direct and persistent contact. Once the G-spot’s responses become familiar, try another object — a partner’s penis or fingers, a diletto, or what are commonly known as G-spotters. Women, if your pleasure builds to the point of a G-spot orgasm, embrace its unequaled sensations. If, on the other hand, a clitoral orgasm rises on your sexually charged horizon, keep from succumbing to its pleasures — peak and surf its crest, but try to back off before the orgasmic wave actually breaks. This will prompt a surge of ejaculate fluid in the prostate while driving the sexual tension even higher. After all, patience is a virtue; peaking is not a denial of your pleasures but an enhancement in the context of extended playtime, and the results are likely to push you over the edge of ecstasy.
If your partner uses his penis or his or her fingers to penetrate you, he or she will perceive the various degrees of sensation that the vagina’s tensing, gentle pushing, and relaxing will provide. This warm, wet genital embrace has the added advantage of enhancing your partner’s levels of excitement as well as yours. But note that, given the length of time needed to generate the ecstatic conditions that build up ejaculate fluid within the female prostate and provoke its emission, a man must be careful to avoid passing “the point of no return.” Consider that even an experienced femme fontaine may require anywhere from 30 to 40 minutes to completely awaken the G-spot and attain the degrees of arousal that lead to emission. This holds particularly true when she has not engaged in sexual contact for some time.
Relaxing into the Pleasure
During G-spot stimulation, the intensity of the strokes should gradually increase, echoing the woman’s levels of arousal and sensitivity. Firmer, more decisive strokes will soon cause distinct tingling sensations to emanate from the center of a highly aroused G-spot. The sensations are also commonly described as shots, pulses, or chills, and some women wrongly associate them with the need to urinate. In reality, these signals from the pelvic splanchnic nerve represent the first phase of the G-spot orgasm, as well as the first signs of imminent ejaculation. Learning to relax into the sensations of G-spot stimulation, rather than suppressing them, will open an entirely new dimension in the pleasure realm.
Women, because these signals from the pelvic splanchnic nerve are commonly misinterpreted as a pressing need to urinate, make sure to relieve yourself before beginning the Paradise Found Sexual Ceremony (and at any other time you feel the need during the course of it). Soon you will learn to recognize the difference between G-spot sensations and those that signal the need to empty your bladder.
If the G-spot is stimulated continuously, the tingling sensations emanating from it will increase in intensity. Women should breathe into these sensations and try to visualize their vibrating force. This will coax the sensations to spread down to the toes and out to the fingertips. They may even radiate straight up to the top of the head. Women, the more you are mentally present and aware of these sensations, the more sexual energy will build and flow throughout the entire body. Let your lover know just how good he or she is making you feel when you begin to sense the radiating full-body effects of G-spot stimulation, as they are a very clear indication that your pleasure is peaking and emission is imminent.
Even though the degree of ecstatic pleasure that you begin to experience may seem unbearable, you or your partner should continue to stimulate the G-spot. When pleasure peaks, consciously prevent your PC muscle from tensing. Instead, as you do in the PC muscle flex, push the muscle gently downward and then relax the PC muscle completely. This “push and relax” technique is intrinsic to a woman’s ability to ejaculate. Those who eventually unveil the powers of G-spot stimulation that lead to emission will find that this technique will become completely natural, if not automatic, with experience.
Most women actually cannot emit while they are being penetrated deeply or when direct pressure is applied to the G-spot. In time, you and your partner will learn to anticipate the point of emission, signaled by the complete relaxation of the vaginal walls. At first, you may need to guide your lover, either physically or verbally, but over time, he or she will learn to interpret and respond effectively to the downward push of the vaginal walls. At this time, the object of penetration should be pulled out to the very edge of the vaginal opening. If sexual tension has mounted gradually, and the orgasm (or orgasms) and all of the pleasures that lead to its exhilarating manifestation have been embraced, you and your partner are likely to witness the phenomenon of female ejaculation.
But women, if you do not ejaculate, don’t put pressure on yourself. You may either resume stroking your G-spot in the same deep, decisive manner or invite your partner to continue to stroke it, or divert your attention to other forms of stimulation and try again later. Sexual tension will continue to mount as long as you continue to play. In the case that you and your lover succeeded in opening the levee of the sacred river, revel in the liberating and, needless to say, wet sense of release and overall well-being it instills. After you have bathed in the afterglow, you will probably feel inclined to thank your lover for his or her generosity by providing some of your own undivided attention.
The Fruits of the Voyage
No matter what kind of stimulation is provided, as long as the woman continues to be aroused, fluid will continue to be produced within the prostate. If partners engage in the pleasures of penetration once again, they are likely to discover that the G-spot is highly sensitive to even the most subtle forms of contact, and the organ, as well as ejaculation, can now become integrated into the extended playtime of the ceremony.
As female ejaculation does not impose a refractory period, it does not slow the progression of the sexual ceremony, and ejaculation may occur again and again over the course of the ceremony’s evolution. In that case, the time between a woman’s consecutive emissions is likely to diminish and the quantity of the liquids that each emission generates will also be augmented. These elements will also depend upon the levels of sexual skill, awareness, and acceptance as well as the degrees of arousal and desire of both partners.
After repeated and particularly abundant emissions, some women may experience the equivalent of men’s “little death,” the need to rest and recuperate. Others may have a sudden craving for mineral-rich foods. (I personally crave oysters and anchovies!) Women, allow your body to be your guide; take an intermission in the Sexual Ceremony if you feel the need, and throughout the ceremony, remember to drink plenty of mineral water. Female ejaculation can result in the loss of a lot of precious fluid.
Repeated ejaculation, in combination with multiple orgasms — whether they occur in association with each other or separately as a response to heightened degrees of pleasure — will provoke a surge of endorphins into the bloodstream and incite a sexual high. Over long periods of arousal, an uninterrupted free flow of sexual energy may also be induced, which has been described as an extended or massive orgasm. This is also what men experience, when they learn to ride the wave of orgasm over and over again during long periods of arousal.
Instigating the buildup of ejaculate fluid takes time, skill and loving attention, and some women may simply need more time to awaken their G-spot than others. And not everyone can shed the negative repercussions that the pleasure taboo has heaped upon bodies, minds, and spirits over the past two thousand years. However, partners who refrain from creating performance anxiety and regularly practice direct G-spot stimulation are likely to experience the prostatic flux sooner or later.
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